This Place Stinks: A Poem by Analaigh


It used to be me

And Mom and Rosey

Our home smelt like us

It used to be cosy

But we moved to a farmhouse

With Bren, 8 cats, and Buster

It didn’t smell like us

It smelt, instead, of must…er

The creek was fun

And the horses were thrilling

We wanted to stay

At least…we were willing

As home smelt like home again

Boxes were gathered

Things packed in totes

Complacency shattered

Another long car ride

Seats shared with baskets

Another new bedspread

This one smells of plastic

Again we have roommates

And the smells are all new

But we still have each other

And our bond, it is true

So we’ll run and we’ll play

And we’ll stink up the joint

“Home is where the heart is”

I guess that’s the point

Seek and Ye Shall Find


I used to be fat.

I tell you that to tell you this…

A few weeks ago I posted a sad, boring story of frustration and confusion over body aches and pains that come too early (as deemed by me) in this little life of mine. It was a boring chronicle of my pains and doctor’s appointments and negative tests for the past year and a half…and so here we are:

I used to be fat.

I, also, used to be engaged. It was because I was engaged that I no longer wanted to be fat. So I joined a weight loss program to slim down for the wedding. Unfortunately, my intended liked big girls so the more weight I lost the less happy he was about my appearance and the more douchey I realized he was and eventually, I was losing weight and not getting married.

But I digress.

I traded in cow for chicken. Later trading in chicken for soybeans (with a few egg and cheese exceptions).

Once I learned how to eat properly I traded in processed soybean. Tofu and edamame were fine but I didn’t need “chik’n patties” anymore, not when the world was full of a rainbow of beans.

Then I traded in wheat for better grains like barley and oats.

It was beans and rice and grains and veggies and fruits and almond milk. You know…good, wholesome foods.

Life was wonderful and I dropped 5 pant sizes that I’ve kept off for 4.5 years.

Sweet, right?!

Are you sitting down for this?

I’M F*^#ING ALLERGIC TO SOY, BEANS, BARLEY, HAZELNUT, ALMONDS, AND PEA-F*^#KING-NUTS!

Yup. That’s right! Found out last Tuesday. Everything I have been shovelling into my pie-hole in an effort to live a healthy(er), wholesome(r) lifestyle has been poisoning my body.

::BREATHE::

If you sing one more lyric of “Isn’t it ironic” in your head while reading this, I will find you and punch you in the face!

The good news: This is the first positive that I have gotten in the barrage of testing I’ve undergone in almost 2 years. This could be the answer. This could explain the severe and regular migraines, the constant burning in my joints, the ever ache in my body, the inability to focus or remember simple things like “green light means go”. This could.

The bad news: This could not be. This could just be a very new and complicated direction my life is taking. To eat soylessly and barleylessly means goodbye convenience and pre-baked items. So long everything made and packaged individually.

::SIGH::

I used to be fat.