I was told by a psychic that a dark object crossed my aura twisting my life force and turning my luck bad. I am still coming to terms with what, if anything, I believe about the powers of a person I do not know to look into the cards and learn of me there but I am here living my life and I haven’t felt all that *lucky* so I am inclined to believe that there is something to this prophecy? vision?
The thing is that I don’t believe in luck. What I believe in is that hard work and good intentions will prevail. Humans are fallible and so it’s not a hard fast rule. Sometimes hard work and good intentions go overlooked and sometimes the bad guys get a win but in general…we make our own luck by working hard, getting up when we are knocked down, keeping hate from our hearts, and being honest.
I believe there is something, I just don’t believe it is luck.
This psychic also believes that this dark object was put there by someone else. From what she said, she seems to suggest there was a person in my past who did not wish for my future happiness and they placed this dark object in my path.
The thing is that I don’t believe any person has any effect over my life but me. When people treat me poorly it is because I allow them to treat me poorly. When my life is full of good people with good intentions it is because I have disallowed the nay-sayers and the negativity bringers into my circle. If I am in yet another bad relationship with an incompatible partner it is because I ignore the signs, dig my head in the sand, and choose to stay.
I believe there is something. It is not luck. It is not the fault of anyone else.
Dale has told me that often products of adoption, such as me, find it difficult to stand up and ask for what they need. Family structures are not permanent to them. People are not permanent to them. We live in constant fear of that abandonment or replacement and we learn early to shelve our needs and begin to anticipate the needs of those around us. We learn not to be demanding. We learn to be accommodating. We learn to be whatever is needed without regard to what it is that we need.
This, too, is not a hard and fast rule. Every one, every circumstance, every situation is different. This rule does, however, apply here.
Dale has told me that I am ambivalent. When I want a thing, I mask my desire with a nonchalant shrug and a “Whatever.” I engage in relationships with men who are also ambivalent and won’t even look in the direction of the man standing still looking in my direction. I thought I was protecting myself from disappointment, the sting isn’t as sharp when I have no expectation of having it while saving face by being able to admit that I tried.
That something that is not luck and is not the doing of anyone else…is me.
I am my own dark object.