People, People, People: Family

I guess I’ll start this by using one of your lines, which I believe is something along the lines of I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings but this is how I feel.
We’re friends on Facebook so I know you see my status’ about getting my move-in date, buying furniture, being scared and nervous, and yet you haven’t said anything to me about it. You never ask about the twins. Being named god mother should have been an honor. I honestly don’t feel you deserve that title now. We haven’t mattered to you in a long time. You post these blogs and say you never fit in with your family, well that’s because you’re selfish and selfish doesn’t work in a family of eight. Families celebrate birthdays, holidays, birth of a baby..any kind of special is suppose to be there. Where are you?  You skipped out on Christmas this year, nothing for the kids. You also have made no effort in seeing your new nephew. So what your sister-in-law isn’t one of your favorite people. She’s part of the family. Your brother is your brother. Your nephew is your nephew. You can comment on the picture of his dog but not any of the pictures of his son. Just another nephew that you wont know.
I don’t know, Megan, I think I’m ready to be done. I’ve been annoyed with you for some time for not coming to family events, not acknowledging my birthday, but the fact that your now doing it to my kids is not ok with me and something had to be said. Let me down all you want, but now you have let my kids down and that is not ok with me. In case you forgot, you are a sister/aunt/godmother. I don’t think you are doing a good job at any of those titles. You have excuses until you’re blue in the face  but no excuse is going to make up for this. You seem to be so caught up in your “oh so busy” life to stop and acknowledge any of us on special occasions, expect the same in return from now on. You don’t want to celebrate birthdays, holidays with us then don’t. But let’s get on the same level of understanding so we know not to expect shit from each other. I don’t want the fakeness either. Sorry it had to come to this but like I said in the beginning, I needed to tell you how I feel. You can respond if you want, don’t feel that you need to. Just really wanted to express how I felt and to let you know that I’m pretty much done.

I received an e-mail from one of my sisters this week. It really upset me. She’s right, I totally goofed up. I missed my niece and nephew’s 5th birthday. I’ve been worse and worse about remembering to call or put a card in the mail for birthdays. Really, I’m terrible at it. I owe them an apology for my thoughtlessness.

It also really upset me in its continuation of a pattern of conversation I’ve had with certain people over the past 8 years since I moved 2 hours away from my childhood home: (1) that I am not entitled to a busy life because I do not have any real reason to be oh-so-busy (I am childless and single); (2) that I am responsible for checking in.

No, I do not call often. No, I do not check in often. No, I do not visit often. No, I do not ignore in-coming phone calls from her. No, I do not tell her I’m too busy for her to visit when she offers. No, she doesn’t offer. No, I’m not upset about it. I respect that while I’m here doing my life she and I probably didn’t touch base today because she’s busy doing her life. She’s my sister, I know we’ll catch up.

I am continually frustrated for being accused of not making an effort. As though if I don’t, no one will because when I don’t no one has. I could do better, we all could. This is not my sole cross to bear. I am not a pusher. People and their lives and choices are sensitive topics and I make it a general practice of letting people tell me what they want to tell me when they want to tell me exactly how much they want to tell me. I AM ALWAYS HERE. If you want a better  relationship, then let’s both work on it, shall we?

(For the record, mentioning Facebook in the course of a disagreement immediately weakens your argument)
As a point of clarification, *this* is not my response to her but I can share her assessment of me, in many ways she is right…

A Stranger Family

Do you remember me?

You are my niece, Bambi?

(smiles to self) I am

I’m not sure when it will stop being weird/exciting/crazy to learn of the people who knew me in my life before. My brother and I never grew up wondering about uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents but we always knew there had been a mother and a father. Heck, we didn’t even know our father’s last name. So imagine my surprise when my brother and I sat across a table from our birth mom for the very first time and she told us of the grandmother and aunts we lived with. The grandmother I was named for and the one who drove her to the hospital to deliver me. Imagine my shock to know that we lived with people – people who knew us, who knew me, who hugged me as a baby, perhaps changed my diaper, perhaps carried me around – and people to whom I had disappeared.

I’m not really sure how to articulate the feeling. That there were…people…thinking of me.

The uncle who first found me, I had carelessly disregarded immediately with a, “I do not know this man” but mama said, “But he knew you.”


He not only knew me he looked for me. As she looked for me. Because I had disappeared.

I’ve imagined myself as the aunt and my niece as the disappearing child and it seems so unheard of, so impossible, and so tragically sad.