Poor Rosiebear…


my Rose…

 

Correction: our Rose…

 

Our beautiful

sweet

personification of happiness…

 

…may be arthritic at 1.5 years old…

Oh, poor Rose…

she’s so pittieful 

 

(in case you were wondering, there’s still more of the “other stuff” but I can’t put the rest of my life on hold while I figure it all out…)

 

Eating in the Raw(ish)


It’s funny in that completely unfunny way that all of *this* started as constant, mild joint pain. That annoyingly persistent joint pain sent me all over looking for a diagnosis and hopefully a pill to solve all my problems. I gave blood, had bone scans, gave more blood, saw specialists; all for naught. Everything it could be, it wasn’t.

Finally, solely as the result of watching my best friend attempt to understand the mysterious goings on of her infant, I sought an allergist. Maybe the cause of my constant discomfort, maybe not, but my body didn’t like my lifestyle. Fine. I took control of the ingredients in my food; cooking from home almost exclusively.

Baking from Home

Vegetable Soup from Scratch

Homemade Granola Bars

I began to feel better. I could climb again because the mystery feels-like-tendonitis-pain-in-my-elbow lessened. My wrists stopped hurting when the temperature dropped below 50°F. I could even sleep on my side again because the searing pain that kept me up all night in tears was gone. The migraines I didn’t even think were connected, of which I’d been suffering for 7 years now, miraculously disappeared (odd because I swore my doctor, who repeatedly refused to give me a referral to a neurologist, said it was stress-related). I began to breathe a sigh of relief.

Over the New Year’s holiday I did something “drastic” (but not really). I did a 7 day detox. The purpose of which was merely to recenter my body and my dietary focus. To be honest, as soon as I found out what I couldn’t eat, I went looking for ways I could get my desserts in. I made 3 batches of barley-free, soy-free cookies (see picture above) in 2 weeks and ate one entire batch solo in a day (damn you, Cara!!) – I wasn’t super shocked with the stomach cramping that came after because that was 30 cookies in a little over 24 hours. So for 7 days I ate mostly raw fruits and vegetables,

except protein day when I ate chicken because while I’d like to be a full-time vegetarian, my body finds soy and beans poisonous. 

This amazing 7 days was free from all refined sugars and grains. 

This amazing 7 days cleansed by body and my spirit. I had insatiable energy. I had NO PAIN anywhere. It was like a clean slate and I had to laugh because I had no idea what it felt like to feel GOOD because I’d spent all my time waltering along the line of bad and mediocre.

This amazing 7 days gave me a super-power:

heightened sense of body acuity

Every time  I ate something that didn’t sit right with me, I knew immediately.

I intended continue diet light of refined sugars and grains but it didn’t happen. If I have *rules* to follow, I follow them but if I don’t, I do what I want.

Doing what I wanted meant brownies, cookies, and sandwiches. My super-power said, “Hey now, I think there is something going on here we should investigate further,” because after every time I brownied or cookied myself, I hurt…a lot. So I started eating “real” bread to investigate and…

Oh! My! Gawd!

I have never felt so immediately dreadful. Not even back in the day when I’d shovel any ole thing in my pie-hole without thinking about it.

I’m sitting here now, writing this, sighing exasperatedly. So now what? My blood work for celiac sprue disease came back negative. My doctor won’t agree to the more conclusive testing for gluten intolerance, she thinks it’s stress. I’m not even sure I care to be tested. I know what my gut tells me, literally.

Cara from over at Fork and Beans, just finished up a 2-week raw food detox and a day back on baked goods, she too felt lousy. So the question is:

To Raw or Not to Raw?  

Raw? High raw? I like my vegetable soups and spaghetti squash Primavera too much. Flour-free? Grain-free? Clean and fresh ingredients for sure.

Whatever I do, I don’t want to label it or create a place where I set myself up for disappointment. I just need to find a normal that is sustainable and get myself into a groove.
 
I’m still sitting here sighing. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of talking about food. Obsessing about my body. Readjusting my mindset. Figuring out how to move forward. Figuring out what to eat. What ingredients I need. How to prepare new foods that taste good to a recovering fatty who always wants dessert first.
 
I’m also sitting here with pain in my lower abdomen and a burning sensation in my right elbow that was there all night.