People, People, People: Family


I guess I’ll start this by using one of your lines, which I believe is something along the lines of I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings but this is how I feel.
 
We’re friends on Facebook so I know you see my status’ about getting my move-in date, buying furniture, being scared and nervous, and yet you haven’t said anything to me about it. You never ask about the twins. Being named god mother should have been an honor. I honestly don’t feel you deserve that title now. We haven’t mattered to you in a long time. You post these blogs and say you never fit in with your family, well that’s because you’re selfish and selfish doesn’t work in a family of eight. Families celebrate birthdays, holidays, birth of a baby..any kind of special event..family is suppose to be there. Where are you?  You skipped out on Christmas this year, nothing for the kids. You also have made no effort in seeing your new nephew. So what your sister-in-law isn’t one of your favorite people. She’s part of the family. Your brother is your brother. Your nephew is your nephew. You can comment on the picture of his dog but not any of the pictures of his son. Just another nephew that you wont know.
I don’t know, Megan, I think I’m ready to be done. I’ve been annoyed with you for some time for not coming to family events, not acknowledging my birthday, but the fact that your now doing it to my kids is not ok with me and something had to be said. Let me down all you want, but now you have let my kids down and that is not ok with me. In case you forgot, you are a sister/aunt/godmother. I don’t think you are doing a good job at any of those titles. You have excuses until you’re blue in the face  but no excuse is going to make up for this. You seem to be so caught up in your “oh so busy” life to stop and acknowledge any of us on special occasions, expect the same in return from now on. You don’t want to celebrate birthdays, holidays with us then don’t. But let’s get on the same level of understanding so we know not to expect shit from each other. I don’t want the fakeness either. Sorry it had to come to this but like I said in the beginning, I needed to tell you how I feel. You can respond if you want, don’t feel that you need to. Just really wanted to express how I felt and to let you know that I’m pretty much done.

I received an e-mail from one of my sisters this week. It really upset me. She’s right, I totally goofed up. I missed my niece and nephew’s 5th birthday. I’ve been worse and worse about remembering to call or put a card in the mail for birthdays. Really, I’m terrible at it. I owe them an apology for my thoughtlessness.

It also really upset me in its continuation of a pattern of conversation I’ve had with certain people over the past 8 years since I moved 2 hours away from my childhood home: (1) that I am not entitled to a busy life because I do not have any real reason to be oh-so-busy (I am childless and single); (2) that I am responsible for checking in.

No, I do not call often. No, I do not check in often. No, I do not visit often. No, I do not ignore in-coming phone calls from her. No, I do not tell her I’m too busy for her to visit when she offers. No, she doesn’t offer. No, I’m not upset about it. I respect that while I’m here doing my life she and I probably didn’t touch base today because she’s busy doing her life. She’s my sister, I know we’ll catch up.

I am continually frustrated for being accused of not making an effort. As though if I don’t, no one will because when I don’t no one has. I could do better, we all could. This is not my sole cross to bear. I am not a pusher. People and their lives and choices are sensitive topics and I make it a general practice of letting people tell me what they want to tell me when they want to tell me exactly how much they want to tell me. I AM ALWAYS HERE. If you want a better  relationship, then let’s both work on it, shall we?

(For the record, mentioning Facebook in the course of a disagreement immediately weakens your argument)
As a point of clarification, *this* is not my response to her but I can share her assessment of me, in many ways she is right…

More Than Just Enough


All I ever wanted
Was a love to be true
More than just enough to get me by
I want a love to see me through
I don’t need another well spent night
Another clever, sideways glance
I wanna look my baby in the eye
And know there’s nothin’ left to chance
So if you’re tired of bein’ lonely
Beat up and confused
Darlin’ there is only
One thing you can do
Come to me
I’ll be the one who’s waiting
Come to me
I got what you need
Come to me
Won’t be no hesitating
I know what you mean to me
I’m gonna hold out for the one I want
Ain’t gonna settle for less
Cause the kind of love I’m lookin’ for, baby
You can’t fake, you can’t finesse
I ain’t lookin’ for the kind of man, baby
Can’t stand a little shaky ground
He’ll give me fire and tenderness
And got the guts to stick around
So if you’re tired of bein’ lonely
Beat up and confused
Darlin’ there is only
One thing you can do
Come to me
I’ll be the one who’s waiting
Come to me
I got what you need
Come to me
Won’t be no hesitating
I know what you mean to me
~Bonnie Raitt (Come To Me)

I was 11 years old when I heard this song. I was 11 years old when I knew I needed/wanted/shouldn’t settle for less than a man who looked at me with love in his eyes who could stand the ups and downs of life (both mine and his). I was 11 years old when I knew the kind of love I was looking for could not be faked and would not just get by but would be enough to get through. I was 11 years old when I knew these things but didn’t have a clue what they meant.

In the last 20 years these words have been running through my head and I’ve been clearer on their meanings with every attempt to find myself, be in connection with the world around me, and become ready for the partner I ultimately hope to find. “Find” is a tragic word – I hate to say I am looking – I know these things happen when least we look and expect them to. Regardless, their meanings are clearer to me.

This weekend my dad and I went to see this woman who shaped my life at a young age.

…for the full effect a bathroom is needed for duck lips…

It was amazing. She was amazing. Had I any doubt about my life and the choices I’ve made in my life from relationship to self-awareness to career, they were put to rest watching this amazing, fierce, sexy, strong, talented woman walk on stage and share herself with the room full of adoring fans. I am proud to say I have not settled in my life and when I noticed I was in a rutted pattern I’ve had the guts to do something about it. I owe a great deal of my strength to this woman.

Dad and I pinched and poked each other like schoolgirls when Bonnie took the stage…then I cried…

And to the man who gave her to me.

Happy Father’s Day to the man who’s been there through the ups and downs of life (both mine and his)