The Dare: Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

The Dare:

Category: Coulda, Shoulda, Wouldas
Write a letter to someone you owe an apology to but never gave one. It does not have to be a long letter. Just write the letter (not email),  send it and then post it for us to see.

The truth is that I never really thought about it. I never really thought that perhaps my parents were people, too, who got their feelings hurt, too, by people who said stupid things sometimes. Even though as an adult I’ve seen time and again that my parents were (gasp!) human but…apologizing for going through growing pains? Nah.

Then my birth mom popped into my life and my world become oddly clear – all my life my adoption had been my adoption, my pain, my hurt, my confusion, my isolation but now I see this touched more than just two children in need of a home.

While dad assured me that he knew that if I met and liked my birth mom that wouldn’t mean that I would love him any less, I knew his words were not just to reassure me. After meeting my birth mom when I talked to my mother on the phone her voice was low and halting, I knew she wouldn’t find the same comfort that I did when I looked upon the woman who shared my face. When conversations with friends started including identifiers like adoptive parents, birth mom, biological brother, adoptive siblings I began to wonder if that was how the rest of the world saw my family. When the word real started to replace “birth” and “biological” my heart froze and I began to wonder if that was how my family saw my family?

Then I remembered all the times in heated arguments when my brother and I would declare ourselves bonded in blood, all the times I screamed in anger “You are NOT my mother/father!”; the times I secretly (and not so secretly) wished we had never been adopted. Although to me, these things were just flippant, angry, pissed off things to say; I knew they would sting and they did. But now, here I am with my real parents on one side and I hear fear in their voices because of the presence of my equally real birth mom and I wonder,

“Do they not know?”

So it was clear to me which dare was mine.

I am sick about sending this letter. I am afraid to hear my mom tell me I’m being too mushy and ridiculous. I am worried my intentions will be misunderstood but I am ashamed at the thought of my parents not realizing how much they mean to me and I am hopeful that we can all find peace.

Update: This letter was mailed the week before Mother’s Day. I’ve had no response about which I am both glad and not glad. Glad it could be done and now I can feel better knowing I’ve said what I needed to say (avoidance is a thing I do); not glad to not know if they see, if they understand, if it means anything to them. But that’s the way of apologies: I get to say my piece but that doesn’t make always make it better.

…and One Dare


I have enjoyed being so honest these past 30 days with you all. Now for the sticky part…the dare (read about it on Morning Erection).

The choices are as follows:

Category: Youngins
Write a letter to your 16-year-old self and post it. Detail your journey.

Category: Coulda, Shoulda, Wouldas
Write a letter to someone you owe an apology to but never gave one. It does not have to be a long letter. Just write the letter (not email),  send it and then post it for us to see.

Category: Good Eats
Eat completely healthy for an entire day even if it means eating foods you do not care for. Document all failures or start over another day if you mess up.

Category: ARKs
For a 24 hour period, for every act of kindness given to you, pay it forward to a stranger one better.  For example – if a friend buys you a coffee, buy two strangers a cup of coffee. Detail your journey.

Category: Truthiness
For a 24 hour period you must tell the truth in every situation, every question – all day long. Perhaps the most difficult will be not lying to yourself. Detail your journey.

Category: Blushing
Spend an hour by yourself totally naked even if there are other people in the house but only if you won’t get caught. If you get interrupted you must start over and reset the clock to zero minutes. Detail your journey.

I have chosen my poison but I am not ready to share the details of that journey with you yet. I hope you will all continue to stop by as I share another journey that I have been on these past few weeks. One journey begot the other so I’ll get to the dare, I promise.  Just not yet.